The years passed by quickly, far too quickly,
for pain to make its own impressions clear,
almost too fast to feel the weight, and strain,
and pay the growing cost of age, and time.
Now life has weight like sodden winter wool,
when perseverance and all efforts fail,
a day in time when suddenly again,
the way it is, is not, nor long has been.
Now I am tired bone deep, soul deep and hear
surrender’s call to leave this task and rest
far from the strategies of empty days
where power’s pride of steals light from every gaze.
Defeat, a fear I never thought to feel
whispers of things that time may come to steal,
pecks at my heart to take my peace away
life loses light stolen from every day.
My dignity and independence due
for my life’s work was all I asked of you.
Perhaps a time of rest when near the end
to sleep and rise whenever I should choose.
Sweet lies are these, acceptance, peace and rest,
while principals are parted soon from those,
who leave them whenever they find it best
to modify their feelings for their goals.
Fear, absent from me for so many years,
in seeking trust of humankind appeared.
though after darkened skies and constant rain,
I ventured, though still fearful, out again.
How could I have ever found it true,
to spend my days in such open distain?
So now I work at finding work to do,
and treasure life and hope in every day.
Though feelings scar as well as any blade
still I will never flee from them in fright,
but go on seeking rainbows in the day
and howling out my sorrow in the night.
My sometimes cursed, yet always blessed life
weaves on, a path this orphan must pursue,
stumbling amiss yet never lost, I leap,
across the dark, protected, wrapped in light.
Though all my thoughts may lead me to despair,
all damage done, the darkest moment come,
no witness will report ere qmore than that these
were swept aside by passing butterflies.
The trailing end of twenty years constrained,
brought me the sun to lead me out again,
tested yet still with every passing year
alive, and whole, blessed by those brilliant rays.
Sweet Light, the blessing of my winding way
that brings me ever safe and home again,
you touch a butterfly upon its way
and make me diamonds of the grasses dew.
How then should I ever find a way,
to trade the darkness for immunity,
when courage and surrender are the same
and beauty is the price of being free.