Haiku # 28
still water displays
life perfectly mirrored
yet shadows reveal
The most challenging aspect of my life is the constant pressure to attend to and adhere to current trends and accepted standards. Every day while considering my public behavior and expressing or repressing my opinions; I find myself confronted by the conflict between my perception of truth, my feelings about what happens around me, my commitment to integrity, and the potential consequences of honesty. The consequences of which I speak include: criticism, closed doors, literary rejection, political opposition, job loss, and verbal attack.
I find myself wondering if I should forget all the pale spirits who started out to write their way to immortality and found themselves writing, 7 ways to…, for income from advertisers while gathering an audience of 5$ an hour hopefuls for content farms.
I want to write with, for and to somebody who wants and dares to read in order to: ponder, question, grow, change and understand rather than just to be placated, pleasured and reassured. Someone who touches and is touched by something Google AdWords never knew, Pinterest has no pictures of and Facebook never featured. Something they never stumbled upon or understood until they decided that living well and dying empty could never be enough.
I want to be read by those who want to publish writing about what nobody ever talks about. The smokers who can feel congestion growing in their chests, cough with increasing frequency and wonder daily if they have cancer yet and if they are, and will be, too weak to quit in time. The unspoken feelings of people who have been diagnosed with some disease they never expected to have who push down unspeakable terror, refrain from screaming what they know that no one wants to hear or can respond to and refrain from discussing things that might become too real to bear. The experiences that men and women have when they discover that they are finally growing old, see their first wrinkles, watch their bodies change, lack the strength to do something they have always done easily and discover that they are afraid driving, walking on ice, and losing control over their lives. People lying in bed with somebody they’ve just proposed to or been married to for a day, a week, or a year and suddenly wonder if they will ever want to make love to again, feeling trapped and wondering if they’re trapped forever.
There are so many things we suffer alone, in isolation, as we imagine our flaws to be unique and keep them hidden in a world where so many others are so silent about feeling so much the same way.
Why is it we will view with our cameras, record with our pens, and focus our discussions on examining the most intimate aspects of our lives for sexual excitement or gratification, yet speak so little and disdain so powerfully these fundamental experiences of human life?
How many tell their children about the pleasure and pains involved in sexuality and how easy it is to let someone so far inside of you that they can hurt you, or change you forever and yet have never taken the time to know anything more about them than that they were attractive and would say yes to holding you at night.
Writers block! Take a breath, then, consider the fact that in getting interested in the fear or other distraction that keeps intruding on your writing time, you may find your greatest inspiration.